Back to where I came from

I'm back at my mother's.
For reasons I'm going to refrain from typing.
I went to Austin for 'spring break'
A mini-vacation for myself.
As fast-paced as that city is, I felt so much more relaxed.
And comfortable.
Much more than what I feel here.
The only tyme I ever feel something lyke that is when I'm around my nephews.
My mother.
And Cole.
I want to get a place with Jed soon.
Preferably at the end of July/beginning of August.
I figured Austin would be the best place.
Start over in a new city.
But Cole wouldn't be there.
And I really don't know how to even function without him.
My nephews would be so far away as well.
But I do need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm living a routine live in Longview and that's not what I want or need.
But I do want to wake up in a new house.
Go to work.
Come home and start on dinner.
Play snes or read.
Call to the boys that dinner is ready.
Eat.
Start baking.
Sleep.
Do it all over again.
And I want this to happen with some good people.
Jed is a perfect candidate for that.
He's lyke me in a lot of ways.
I wish that Tay would room with us.
But I don't know how that would work out.

I feel so much more at east on my mother's couch right now.

:]

Spoiler

I went to see Remember Me tonight.
I was sort of expecting it to be some kind of chick flick.
The one where something good happens.
Then something bad happens.
Then it ends well.
And this one didn't.
Well. it did. and it didn't.
I enjoyed the movie quite a bit.
I left the theater thinking about lyfe and death.
It really made me want to live my lyfe to the fullest.
Right now I'm a little down.
You never know when death is going to happen.
I love my friends so so much.
I'm more than thankful that Cole has been there for me.
He's the one person that I can always, always talk to.
and look forward to seeing.
We have a lot of the same views on things.
It's good to talk to someone lyke that.
Always agreeing.
Always having something to say.
I know I shouldn't be sad right now.
It's going to be a difficult night.
One with barely any sleep.

I miss it though.
I miss him so much.
I hate that most of my posts are about this.
But who else am I supposed to say it to.
If not for myself.

I love you.